8.20.2014

Look # 28

[Undo]

Fine in Front & Fine in Back

Side By Side 


Ready For my Closeup

Hi Everyone ^.^
Are their things in your life you wish you could undo? Things you know are the reasons for some of your struggles and unhappiness. Thats whats heavy on my mind lately. I have been having a lot of issues with my Real Life and thinking about how most days I wish I had never chosen him. We use to get along so well and now I can't stand him and he can't stand me. We fight about the color of the sky and where to eat. He isn't the same person anymore and neither am I. And it breaks my heart but at the same time maybe its just how things are suppose to go. I use to think it was fixable but now that my health is getting much worse and he still insists on treating me like the least important thing in his life I am doubting that very much.
The other thing I wish I could undo is ruining something with another man whom I have thought about everyday all day since I met him. Some people would say he doesn't leave my mind because you always want the things you can't have most. I am not so sure though. While I have never been very good at expressing my feelings to him I do know there are feeling there that grow stronger everyday and everything I did and said to him that ruined his trust for me and our relationship break my heart. The thing I value most in life above all else is love... true love. And its hard to sit here and realize I chose the wrong person to spend so much of my life with and lost possibly someone that could have made me feel whole and important....my heart aches.
Now that I have been mushy and probably made most of you feel sick, I wanted to tackle with you the other issue that has come about in my life. My spinal injury and foot injury have gotten worse and its to the point now where everything hurts. On top of that I have spent quite a few more days in the ER , due to what I thought at the time was a horrible migraine that was not going to let go. All I could do was tremble and cry the pain was so great. I couldnt eat or drink or use the bathroom. I was really ill, and they ran a lot of tests on me that all came back fine doped me up and sent me home twice before questioning me on my family history a little more. Then the doctors told me I needed to go see a specialist and be tested for Lupus. I am really upset because this is an incurable disease and its been heavy on my heart. My dads mother had it and the doctors are pretty sure that’s whats wrong with me. I am 24 years old and I am not ready for such heavy news and even though its not fully confirmed yet my heart tells me thats what it is. It would explain so many of my health issues and troubles. And because I am so sick I havent been blogging there are days when all I can do is lay in bed and cry from pain. I know I might loose sponsors over this because I don't know from day to day with doctor visits and being ill when I will have time to blog and I am very sorry but I have to take care of me first. So anyways here are the credits now that you are all caught up...
[I'm too sexy for this...]
Hermony - Ultimate Cigeratte - hand
[Gurl, Look at that body]
Koala Kisses - Freckers Less
Shape is my own.
[Vogue, Strike a Pose]
[But I want you to be here]
Home Made Blogger backdrop by Noli
Check out My Flickr Clicky Clicky to the flickr -----> {X}

So anyways, after having my heart broken I have been feeling really dark lately and also I have been watching my seasons of Once Upon a Time that I got for my birthday and I guess you could say I was on an Evil Queen sort of kick. I just feel like if I cant be happy nobody should...which I know isn't true at all I am just hurting and healing. Its a lot of black for me I know but I really like the leather of the outfit is really cute. And like I said the outfit comes with a few different tops and bottoms and shoes and both the shoes and leggings work with Slink high feet. The collar I am wearing is a Sponsor release and it comes in black or white there is also a matching headband which also comes in black or white. Then all the little spikes on it are color change with included hud. Thats about it everyone have a wonderful night <3
<3 Always, Noli

P.S. Here you are my theme song for this the post.


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