[Undo]
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Fine
in Front & Fine in Back
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| Side By Side |
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Ready
For my Closeup
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Hi
Everyone ^.^
Are
their things in your life you wish you could undo? Things you know
are the reasons for some of your struggles and unhappiness. Thats
whats heavy on my mind lately. I have been having a lot of issues
with my Real Life and thinking about how most days I wish I had
never chosen him. We use to get along so well and now I can't stand
him and he can't stand me. We fight about the color of the sky and
where to eat. He isn't the same person anymore and neither am I. And
it breaks my heart but at the same time maybe its just how things are
suppose to go. I use to think it was fixable but now that my health
is getting much worse and he still insists on treating me like the
least important thing in his life I am doubting that very much.
The
other thing I wish I could undo is ruining something with another man
whom I have thought about everyday all day since I met him. Some
people would say he doesn't leave my mind because you always want the
things you can't have most. I am not so sure though. While I have
never been very good at expressing my feelings to him I do know there
are feeling there that grow stronger everyday and everything I did
and said to him that ruined his trust for me and our relationship
break my heart. The thing I value most in life above all else is
love... true love. And its hard to sit here and realize I chose the
wrong person to spend so much of my life with and lost possibly
someone that could have made me feel whole and important....my heart
aches.
Now
that I have been mushy and probably made most of you feel sick, I
wanted to tackle with you the other issue that has come about in my
life. My spinal injury and foot injury have gotten worse and its to
the point now where everything hurts. On top of that I have spent
quite a few more days in the ER , due to what I thought at the time
was a horrible migraine that was not going to let go. All I could do
was tremble and cry the pain was so great. I couldnt eat or drink or
use the bathroom. I was really ill, and they ran a lot of tests on me
that all came back fine doped me up and sent me home twice before
questioning me on my family history a little more. Then the doctors
told me I needed to go see a specialist and be tested for Lupus. I am
really upset because this is an incurable disease and its been heavy
on my heart. My dads mother had it and the doctors are pretty sure
that’s whats wrong with me. I am 24 years old and I am not ready
for such heavy news and even though its not fully confirmed yet my
heart tells me thats what it is. It would explain so many of my
health issues and troubles. And because I am so sick I havent been
blogging there are days when all I can do is lay in bed and cry from
pain. I know I might loose sponsors over this because I don't know
from day to day with doctor visits and being ill when I will have
time to blog and I am very sorry but I have to take care of me first.
So anyways here are the credits now that you are all caught up...
[I'm
too sexy for this...]
Hermony
- Ultimate Cigeratte - hand
[Gurl,
Look at that body]
Koala
Kisses - Freckers Less
Shape
is my own.
[Vogue,
Strike a Pose]
[But
I want you to be here]
Home
Made Blogger backdrop by Noli
Check
out My Flickr Clicky Clicky to the flickr -----> {X}
So
anyways, after having my heart broken I have been feeling really dark
lately and also I have been watching my seasons of Once Upon a Time
that I got for my birthday and I guess you could say I was on an Evil
Queen sort of kick. I just feel like if I cant be happy nobody
should...which I know isn't true at all I am just hurting and
healing. Its a lot of black for me I know but I really like the
leather of the outfit is really cute. And like I said the outfit
comes with a few different tops and bottoms and shoes and both the
shoes and leggings work with Slink high feet. The collar I am wearing
is a Sponsor release and it comes in black or white there is also a
matching headband which also comes in black or white. Then all the
little spikes on it are color change with included hud. Thats about
it everyone have a wonderful night <3
<3
Always, Noli
P.S.
Here you are my theme song for this the post.
[Events
List]
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